2014 Recap

20141231-IMG_8868

It’s been a crazy year to say the least. From my lack of posts it probably feels like I’ve dropped off the face of the earth, but I assure you that I’m still here. My year has pretty much just revolved around this tiny little person who at the moment is rolling around at my feet, determined to make as much noise as possible today. She certainly makes every day interesting. I don’t even remember what it was like to have a newborn, only that no one was getting any sleep in the early days.

She changes every day and every time I think I’ve got her figured out, she changes it up. It’s pretty amazing how fast she changes and grows, and it’s amazing that only a few short months ago she was just a helpless thing that just ate and cried and (sometimes) slept, but now she’s a real little person. She has likes and dislikes, preferences for things, loves to explore the world and is getting more mobile by the minute. I can see some of my and her father’s personality in her. She’s like me in that she wants to be involved with everything and doesn’t want to miss out. She is grumpy when she is initially woken up, but her personality shines through once you give her a bit of time. She takes time to warm up to people but once she does she is warm and happy. She loves to observe the world around her. She’s like Mr Cookie Loves Milk in that she is endlessly curious and analytical. When she studies things she does it with such concentration and intensity. She doesn’t fall asleep or stay asleep easily. She knows what she wants and gets it, including anything with lots of buttons and things to play with (Playstation controller, keyboards, remote controls). Then there are things that she does that are just her own. She can’t sit still and needs to always be moving. She is strong willed, determined and very vocal and she lets you know when she doesn’t like something. She bounces back quickly. She is independent and tries to do things on her own and doesn’t always want to be held, but sometimes that’s what she needs.

She’s a beautiful little person who fills me with so much love and so much frustration, usually in the span of only a few seconds. The great thing though is that she and I are both learning about each other and the world. It’s been a crazily steep learning curve. As she changes I will have to adapt as well, something I haven’t always been very good at. I like predictability and stability, neither of which I have at the moment with her. She is teaching me to be more flexible and to go with the flow. She and I are much happier doing things a step at a time instead of trying to fit a mould. She is definitely not a textbook baby, but I am a textbook kind of person.

So at the moment I have been very preoccupied with her, to the point that I don’t even remember myself anymore. I haven’t worked since March. I haven’t slept a proper night through since I went on maternity leave. Some days I feel like I can’t get anything done. I have been more obsessed with sleep (or the lack thereof) than anything in my life so far. At the start of my leave I was so naive. I thought that I would be bored, but I just don’t have the time for anything. I thought I would be able to achieve so much, learn so many new skills, do online courses, bake, cook, clean, draw, paint, create, read, exercise… So much for that! I’m lucky if some days I’m able to shower, eat, and maintain my sanity. I’m definitely not alone though. There are so many blogs and articles that I’ve read this year (because I really just can’t commit to anything that takes me more that 5 minutes to read at a time) that describe my situation perfectly. I never understood what it was to be a parent before actually being one.

My (currently childless) brother was asking me for advice about parenting and honestly most days I still feel like I’m in way over my head. I didn’t want to scare him about all the challenges that I’ve faced, but I also didn’t want to sugar coat it for him the way people did with me. It made me feel unprepared for the reality of it all. I know every child is different and my little girl could be easier but it could also be harder. I just think that no one has it all figured out and that every day is full of new challenges and wonders. It’s cliche, but it’s easier to be flexible and just go with the flow, taking it one day (or even one minute) at a time.

I waste a lot of time and energy worrying about things that may or may not happen. It’s an ongoing project for me, trying not to worry and to just deal with things as they come up, but it’s also something I’m looking forward to in all the years to come in the parenting journey. I’m slowly learning that no one has it all figured out and we can only do our best to not screw up our children. I’m definitely not perfect, but neither is anyone else and that’s okay.

So I didn’t achieve anywhere near what I had wanted to over the last year with my silly goals and resolutions, but I have become a stronger and more capable person within myself. I have also managed to keep our daughter alive and well for the last 8 months (with a lot of help and support from my husband and family and friends) and that in itself is a pretty amazing achievement! I’m looking forward to seeing what 2015 brings for our little family.

Advertisements

Hiatus

20140513-IMG_8996-hiatus

It’s been a tough month and I’m very behind on my Project 365, for good reason as well. In fact for the last few weeks I just haven’t really taken any photos except of my new bundle of overdue joy. She didn’t want to come out, but we forced her out eventually. She’s happy and healthy and that’s all I could really ask for, coming out at a whopping 4.05kg (huge for someone as little as me).

Me on the other hand am slowly on the mend after nothing going to plan (not that I really had a plan), but it seemed like everything that I didn’t want ended up happening. I had to be induced because she was almost 2 weeks overdue, and after ‘failure to progress’ (horrible term by the way) I ended up with an emergency c-section. To top it all off, about 10 days after, I ended up with a very nasty infection that saw me back in hospital. The first two weeks of my little one’s life on the outside, I spent half of it feeling sorry for myself in hospital, and feeling a bit bitter about how indifferent some of the staff in the hospitals are. Don’t get me wrong, most of my care was absolutely fantastic, but having to endure the emergency department is an entirely different story. Thanks for the endless budget cuts to health you lousy government!

However, I’m back home and bouncing back and hopefully that will be the end of that. The point is that I really haven’t taken any photos for Project 365 over the last few weeks. I don’t even know what the themes are anymore. Hopefully when I’m settled down I’ll get back into it. For now, I’m just going to enjoy a bit of a break in my sleep deprived state and spend a bit of time just staring at my little (or not so little) one, and wondering what to do with myself. Everyone tells you how hard the first few weeks with a newborn are, but no one really tells you how to get through it! Special mention goes to the husband who has been so amazingly calm throughout the whole ordeal, helping me get around when I was in so much pain, and also caring for our daughter when I was in no condition to do so. I am forever grateful for his love and support, and thankful that we have a healthy little one despite all the drama.

Project 365 2013 – Day 105

Autumn

Autumn Leaves

Autumn is my absolute favourite season. The nights are getting cooler and easier to sleep, but it’s not so cold that I’m freezing my toes off. The mornings are nice and crisp ¬†and refreshing so I don’t get that hungover feeling of not being able to sleep because it’s too hot, but it’s not so cold that I just want to hibernate like a bear because the warmth of the bed is too enticing.

Even though spring has all those things as well, there’s a lot of pollen. Autumn is like spring without the hay fever. What I really love are all the beautiful colours of the leaves, and I love that we live in a beautiful tree-lined street (for now). It’s so pretty. However, the local council is being pretty diligent about street sweeping this year, so I’ve got to be quick to get leaf shots! Also my neighbour across the road from us hates leaves and gets rid of them pretty quickly. I’ve never seen anyone hate leaves as much as he does. He’s out there almost everyday blowing all the leaves off his property and a lot of the surrounding properties including ours… I’m not sure he has much of a life and he’s blowing away all my photo opportunities!

I took so many (what I think) are great photos today, it was hard picking just one. At least I have a nice collection of fillers now!

Project 365 2013 – Day 94

Autumn

The Start Of Autumn

The husband asks me, “Why are there a bunch of leaves in the living room?”

My response, “It’s art!”

I don’t think he got it. These first brown leaves from our tree outside our house, finally, after a month of unseasonable warmth. I’m looking forward to more coloured leaves to take photos of.

Project 365 2013 – Day 2

In The Driveway

In The Driveway

We live down a pretty little tree-lined street, which I love. Leaves in the driveway clearly don’t bother me, but we have crazy neighbours that are almost constantly outside with the leaf blower or lawn mower to perfect the look of their property. They’ve even mowed our lawn before and blown away all our leaves because they couldn’t stand the sight of me. Personally, I love them and I love nature, and leaves in the driveway make for great photos.

And Finally The Rest

I’ve almost finished cleaning out the photos that I’ve been meaning to post. These are the last lot from the Melbourne International Flower and Garden Show March 2012. They’re all the indoor displays that were inside the Exhibition Building. Some of the displays were from florists, students, and vendors.

Love this wall of sunflowers

weaved leaves

These terrariums are cool

For some reason this reminds me of a jellyfish

Simple display

birdcages

A pretty, but impractical dress

Love the glass hanging balls. They’re just so pretty

Lily

Stacked wood

Never seen tulips like these before. The frilly edges are interesting

This display was my favourite. All glass test tubes and tulips

Spheres of carnations

So many orchids

Gloriosa Lily

Wish I could grow pretty orchids

Gerberas

Hanging bottles from branches. Cute idea