Hiatus

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It’s been a tough month and I’m very behind on my Project 365, for good reason as well. In fact for the last few weeks I just haven’t really taken any photos except of my new bundle of overdue joy. She didn’t want to come out, but we forced her out eventually. She’s happy and healthy and that’s all I could really ask for, coming out at a whopping 4.05kg (huge for someone as little as me).

Me on the other hand am slowly on the mend after nothing going to plan (not that I really had a plan), but it seemed like everything that I didn’t want ended up happening. I had to be induced because she was almost 2 weeks overdue, and after ‘failure to progress’ (horrible term by the way) I ended up with an emergency c-section. To top it all off, about 10 days after, I ended up with a very nasty infection that saw me back in hospital. The first two weeks of my little one’s life on the outside, I spent half of it feeling sorry for myself in hospital, and feeling a bit bitter about how indifferent some of the staff in the hospitals are. Don’t get me wrong, most of my care was absolutely fantastic, but having to endure the emergency department is an entirely different story. Thanks for the endless budget cuts to health you lousy government!

However, I’m back home and bouncing back and hopefully that will be the end of that. The point is that I really haven’t taken any photos for Project 365 over the last few weeks. I don’t even know what the themes are anymore. Hopefully when I’m settled down I’ll get back into it. For now, I’m just going to enjoy a bit of a break in my sleep deprived state and spend a bit of time just staring at my little (or not so little) one, and wondering what to do with myself. Everyone tells you how hard the first few weeks with a newborn are, but no one really tells you how to get through it! Special mention goes to the husband who has been so amazingly calm throughout the whole ordeal, helping me get around when I was in so much pain, and also caring for our daughter when I was in no condition to do so. I am forever grateful for his love and support, and thankful that we have a healthy little one despite all the drama.

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Project 365 2014 – Day 114 – A Pop Of Colour

Day 24 - April Photo A Day - A Pop Of Colour

Day 24 – April Photo A Day – A Pop Of Colour

Still waiting and time’s up. Tomorrow is the new d-day, also known as induction day. I can tell this one is going to be stubborn because she just doesn’t want to come out. So I’m having one last cup of (caffeine free) tea in my favourite colourful mug before trying for an early night. I don’t know how much sleep I’ll actually get though. I’ve also been knitting the baby blanket I started so long ago, just to have something to keep me occupied so top myself from going crazy. Unfortunately I still haven’t finished it, even with all this extra time. Maybe for the next baby!

Project 365 2014 – Day 112 – Four Things

Day 22 - April Photo A Day - Four Things

Day 22 – April Photo A Day – Four Things

Four things I’m looking forward to eating when I’m no longer pregnant and no longer have gestational diabetes. Beautiful soft blue cheese, crappy instant noodles filled with carbs and MSG, carb laden pasta (or more specifically a giant bowl of spaghetti carbonara), and peanut butter Lindt chocolate balls. Just waiting waiting waiting.

Project 365 2014 – Day 111 – Close

Day 21 - April Photo A Day - Close

Day 21 – April Photo A Day – Close

Now officially a week overdue. I feel like I’m so close to going into labour, but obviously not quite there yet. I’m so big now. This baby just doesn’t want to come out. So close, yet so far. This has been the longest week of my life just waiting and waddling around.

Project 365 2014 – Day 110 – Egg

Day 20 - April Photo A Day - Egg

Day 20 – April Photo A Day – Egg

Thankfully even having gestational diabetes, I can still eat eggs. I love eggs. I’m annoyed that I can’t (well shouldn’t) eat them raw, so no runny yolks or poached goodness at the moment, but it’s still good. When I was about 5, I used to eat a boiled egg every morning for breakfast, and then sometimes have egg sandwiches for lunch and some form of egg for dinner. I got hives occasionally and the doctor said I should restrict my egg consumption to 2-3 a week (funnily enough diagnosed without a proper allergy test back then so I’m still not convinced it was correct). I was horrified! I was having that amount each day. I was so upset that I cried, but my parents being good parents restricted me, and in a couple of years I grew out of my apparent egg allergy. Now I eat eggs all the time with no problems.

Project 365 2014 – Day 105 – I’m Reading This

Day 15 - April Photo A Day - I'm Reading This

Day 15 – April Photo A Day – I’m Reading This

So my due date has come and gone. I’m passing the time by eating sensibly, napping on the couch, watching bad TV, playing the Lego Movie game, and reading baby books I borrowed from the library. Most of the books are baby books and eating better. The ‘Slow Death By Rubber Duck’ is just to break up the baby obsession.

The doctors are letting me go for another week with monitoring because my blood sugar levels are good. I hope the little one comes soon.

Project 365 2014 – Day 104 – Dirty

Day 14 - April Photo A Day - Dirty

Day 14 – April Photo A Day – Dirty

So today’s D-day and it’s come and gone without incident. What makes it worse is that two other workmates have had their babies on my awesome due date, both who were due after me. So I had a bit of a cry about still being pregnant and uncomfortable and missing out on the awesome birthday for my daughter. 14/4/14 would have been pretty cool, but it wasn’t to be.

Unnecessary Baby Stuff

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I’ve been on leave for a couple of weeks now, and it’s been good in some aspects (sleeping in, napping when I want, slothing around and catching up on bad reality TV ie. My Kitchen Rules and The Block). It’s also been good because I’ve finally washed all the baby stuff we’ve gotten. I feel like the baby has more clothes than what I do, and that’s a lot! It’s weird not going to work, but also nice. Everyone keeps telling me that I should just relax and enjoy and take it easy, but there’s always a part of me that feels like I should be doing more (still haven’t finished packing my hospital bag and I’m technically at full term now!).

One of the things that has been occupying my time is reading baby books and going on the internet, including my good friend Pinterest. It’s so easy to just Google things, like what I should pack for my hospital bag when I’m stuck on ideas. What’s really annoyed me though is how over-medicalised and generally crazy and over the top some American blogs and sites are. I guess it’s just like everything, to take it with a grain of salt and just use the information that I find useful, ignoring the rest. I still can’t help by find some things really irritating though, just like crazy parenting forum acronyms. I know I should just ignore it, but I think I’ve just got too much time on my hands at the moment. So here’s what is annoying me.

Too much material stuff. How can one tiny little baby possibly need all this stuff? Now I might not really have a good idea of what a baby really needs and what is just convenient, but some of the ‘essentials’ lists are just insane. There is so much baby stuff that they only use for a short period of time, yet people buy this crazy stuff. Here’s a list of really useless stuff that no one needs at all! Every time I walk into a baby store I feel completely overwhelmed with the amount of stuff they have in there.┬áBabies really just need love and attention and you know a few other little things. A diamonte encrusted dummy or a wipes warmer is not something I would consider an ‘essential’.

Too many crazy rules. There is so much angst over whether babies are developing at the right rates and what they are meant to do at what stage and then of course stressing out over it. I can see myself doing the same thing, comparing my child to other children and stressing about it. I just need to remind myself that everyone develops at their own rate and not to stress about it too much. While we’re talking about stress, I don’t know why everyone is so hung up on sleeping through the night. I remember learning about sleep cycles during uni and newborns don’t have sleep cycles like adults do, so why are their so many rules and books and advice on getting them to do something that isn’t natural to them? It’s not forever and eventually they’ll settle. Parents just need to do what works for them.

Too much emphasis on God and religion. Now I’m not religious and I have nothing against religion, but it really irks me when people say that they are just putting their trust in God and it’s not God’s plan to have children, and thanking God’s good grace for getting through labour and the difficulties of coping with a newborn. How about these people give themselves and their partners and support people some credit. It’s not God that got them through. It’s just themselves.

Professional baby photography. Now, I know it’s pretty important to get photos, but I was reading a few posts about there being professional photographers in the US who are affiliated with hospitals to get those all important perfect newborn shots. Don’t even get me started on a ‘cake smash’ photo shoot. Very contrived.

Professional maternity photo shoots. Maybe it’s just me, but I think these are sometimes a bit cringeworthy. Nothing wrong with getting photos while pregnant to remember what you looked like, but some of the poses are a bit… It just makes me feel embarrassed for them. Just like an engagement shoot, I think it’s very American and very unnecessary.

Going home outfits. I can’t believe people actually go out and get crazy designer wear for the baby to go home in. At first I thought I needed to get a ‘going home’ outfit for safety or comfort purposes (keep the baby at the right temperature etc.), but then I quickly realised it was just all for photos and show. Everything has to be ‘picture-worthy’. I think regardless of what the baby is wearing, he or she will definitely be picture-worthy. Just get a random onesie and a blanket and a safe car seat and I think that should be it!

Elaborate baby announcements, gender reveal parties, crazy baby showers. I think all of these are kind of cute, but entirely unnecessary. I hadn’t even heard of a gender reveal party until I started going on forums. What happened to just telling people? And don’t get me started on baby showers. Some of them seem really over the top, when really it should just be about catching up before the baby comes. My workmate was saying that it doesn’t stop there. Kids birthday parties are getting more and more elaborate as well. It feels like it never stops and people are just trying to show off.

Phew, that’s a lot of stuff. I clearly have too much time on my hands, and feeling overly judgmental today! Even though there’s a lot of crazy advice out there, there are some really practical blogs I’ve read that make me feel a bit more sane and more to my liking. Who knows, once the little one pops out I might think otherwise.

 

Also on a completely unrelated note, I was reading an American food blog and there was a post on how to make home-made whipped cream. Seriously? Is this for real? As if you need an actual ‘recipe’ for that. Do they only buy things in canned form? Growing up I had never even heard of any other way to make whipped cream other than, you know, whipping cream. The comments on how amazing this method is astounds me. I also hate recipes on Pinterest that use instant pudding mix, cake mixes etc. Instant turn off.

Project 365 2014 – Day 87 – Nostalgia

Day 28 - March Photo A Day - Nostalgia

Day 28 – March Photo A Day – Nostalgia

I am missing my nightly milo at the moment. Gestational diabetes sucks. I know some people still have it as a snack, but it doesn’t work for me, so no tasty tasty milo until after this baby comes out. I look at this tin every day as a make my non-caffeinated, sugar free tea and feel so sad, which in itself is a little pathetic. It’s the little things. I used to have milo almost every day as a child, and a very naughty treat was mixing crunchy milo with condensed milk. Definitely not healthy at all!

Project 365 2014 – Day 85 – I Am Here

Day 26 - March Photo A Day - I Am Here

Day 26 – March Photo A Day – I Am Here

Getting close to the end of my pregnancy and feeling very anxious and excited. I’m pretty over the pregnancy thing, particularly with the diabetes. I can’t wait to eat some sugar and carbs! I’ve almost filled up the front page of my patient notes with appointments, so hopefully not much to go. I’m such an impatient person and I just hate waiting for things to happen, so this is where I’m at now, just twiddling my thumbs and waiting waiting waiting.

Project 365 2014 – Day 83 – One Of A Kind

Day 24 - March Photo A Day - One Of A Kind

Day 24 – March Photo A Day – One Of A Kind

We got given a heap of second hand baby socks amongst many other things. Unfortunately not all of them have a match, so here are all the odd ones. I figure we’ll probably lose a whole lot more anyway, and there’s nothing wrong with mismatched socks.

Project 365 2014 – Day 70 – Something Good

Day 11 - March Photo A Day - Something Good

Day 11 – March Photo A Day – Something Good

I fell in love with this giraffe when my cousin was pregnant with her first child, and I’ve been buying them for people ever since. Unfortunately the shop I used to get them from closed down a while a go. So I was very excited when the husband tracked one down and bought it for me. It’s so good that I have to keep it in the plastic until the little one comes.

Project 365 2014 – Day 69 – Far Away

Day 10 - March Photo A Day - Far Away

Day 10 – March Photo A Day – Far Away

Actually it’s not that far away, just over a month, until our little one comes and we get to have bath time! Although I’ve heard that the last month is the hardest, big, hard to move, aches and pains, tiredness, anticipation, so maybe it will feel a long time to go.

Project 365 2014 – Day 65 – Chair

Day 06 - March Photo A Day - Chair

Day 06 – March Photo A Day – Chair

I’ve been given a lot of very useful things from friends, friends of friends and my workmates, including this chair that you strap to normal chairs instead of getting a standalone high chair. So thanks S from work. It’ll come in handy very soon.

Project 365 2014 – Day 63 – On My Mind

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Day 04 – March Photo A Day – On My Mind

I can’t escape gestational diabetes at the moment. Testing my blood and monitoring what I eat is always on my mind. No matter what time of day, I’m thinking about it. I think about whether I eat something that I’m not sure will put me over, if I haven’t had a good night’s sleep that my readings will be over, if I’ve done enough exercise for the day.

I’m lucky that it’s diet controlled at the moment, but also frustrating not knowing if I’m going to have a bad reading for no apparent reason. It’s also frustrating having to time everything, thinking about what I’m eating and what I’m going to be doing in 2 hours time and remembering to carry my kit around with me. The timing usually works pretty well with my breaks at work, but on occasion I get held up and can’t get away, which then delays my readings and leads to inaccurate readings.

I still feel very bitter about having gestational diabetes with absolutely no risk factors. Everyone new I see (midwives, endocrinologists, dieticians, diabetes educators, doctors, GPs, general people) look me up and down (probably wondering why I’m not horribly obese) and then proceed to ask me if there’s any family history, and when I say absolutely not, they have that surprised look on their faces as if they’re not sure of what to say next. I’m also met with surprise when I’m at dinner or morning tea and I tell people I can’t eat this particular thing. They just think I’m being paranoid, that I’m being a health nut and worried about my pregnancy weight, and that one little tiny piece of cake isn’t going to hurt. The problem is I know that delicious cake, as much as I would love to eat it, will put my readings over. I’m not any of those things people think I am and I don’t like being boxed in like that. I would love to eat cake and chocolate and white bread and creamy pasta and udon noodles, but with some trial and error, I know my body won’t respond well and that I’m putting my little one at risk.

There’s a lot of judgment and misunderstanding around diabetes. Everyone expects you to fit into this cookie cutter idea of what they believe diabetes to be and are surprised when you don’t meet their expectations. I am also guilty of this. I had no idea about it before being diagnosed and I had so many misunderstandings of what it actually is because it just never concerned me.

I’ve come to accept that it’s nothing I’ve done wrong, nothing I’ve done to cause this. Gestational diabetes isn’t a ‘lifestyle disease’ and wasn’t caused by me eating a bit of chocolate during early pregnancy or being inactive. It’s just something that sometimes happens. However, I have quite tired of having to explain that to people, when they’re judging me, when they say that I shouldn’t have eaten this or that or that I should have done this or that. I’m also tired of having to explain and justify what I’m eating or not eating. What I put in my mouth is my business, but apparently when you’re pregnant, everything is up for discussion and unsolicited advice, particularly from people who have no idea what they’re talking about.

Some days it really gets me down, especially when I get a high reading and haven’t eaten anything out of the norm. Other days I’m okay with it, that it’s just another part of life, and am hopeful that it’ll just all disappear after giving birth.