2014 Recap

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It’s been a crazy year to say the least. From my lack of posts it probably feels like I’ve dropped off the face of the earth, but I assure you that I’m still here. My year has pretty much just revolved around this tiny little person who at the moment is rolling around at my feet, determined to make as much noise as possible today. She certainly makes every day interesting. I don’t even remember what it was like to have a newborn, only that no one was getting any sleep in the early days.

She changes every day and every time I think I’ve got her figured out, she changes it up. It’s pretty amazing how fast she changes and grows, and it’s amazing that only a few short months ago she was just a helpless thing that just ate and cried and (sometimes) slept, but now she’s a real little person. She has likes and dislikes, preferences for things, loves to explore the world and is getting more mobile by the minute. I can see some of my and her father’s personality in her. She’s like me in that she wants to be involved with everything and doesn’t want to miss out. She is grumpy when she is initially woken up, but her personality shines through once you give her a bit of time. She takes time to warm up to people but once she does she is warm and happy. She loves to observe the world around her. She’s like Mr Cookie Loves Milk in that she is endlessly curious and analytical. When she studies things she does it with such concentration and intensity. She doesn’t fall asleep or stay asleep easily. She knows what she wants and gets it, including anything with lots of buttons and things to play with (Playstation controller, keyboards, remote controls). Then there are things that she does that are just her own. She can’t sit still and needs to always be moving. She is strong willed, determined and very vocal and she lets you know when she doesn’t like something. She bounces back quickly. She is independent and tries to do things on her own and doesn’t always want to be held, but sometimes that’s what she needs.

She’s a beautiful little person who fills me with so much love and so much frustration, usually in the span of only a few seconds. The great thing though is that she and I are both learning about each other and the world. It’s been a crazily steep learning curve. As she changes I will have to adapt as well, something I haven’t always been very good at. I like predictability and stability, neither of which I have at the moment with her. She is teaching me to be more flexible and to go with the flow. She and I are much happier doing things a step at a time instead of trying to fit a mould. She is definitely not a textbook baby, but I am a textbook kind of person.

So at the moment I have been very preoccupied with her, to the point that I don’t even remember myself anymore. I haven’t worked since March. I haven’t slept a proper night through since I went on maternity leave. Some days I feel like I can’t get anything done. I have been more obsessed with sleep (or the lack thereof) than anything in my life so far. At the start of my leave I was so naive. I thought that I would be bored, but I just don’t have the time for anything. I thought I would be able to achieve so much, learn so many new skills, do online courses, bake, cook, clean, draw, paint, create, read, exercise… So much for that! I’m lucky if some days I’m able to shower, eat, and maintain my sanity. I’m definitely not alone though. There are so many blogs and articles that I’ve read this year (because I really just can’t commit to anything that takes me more that 5 minutes to read at a time) that describe my situation perfectly. I never understood what it was to be a parent before actually being one.

My (currently childless) brother was asking me for advice about parenting and honestly most days I still feel like I’m in way over my head. I didn’t want to scare him about all the challenges that I’ve faced, but I also didn’t want to sugar coat it for him the way people did with me. It made me feel unprepared for the reality of it all. I know every child is different and my little girl could be easier but it could also be harder. I just think that no one has it all figured out and that every day is full of new challenges and wonders. It’s cliche, but it’s easier to be flexible and just go with the flow, taking it one day (or even one minute) at a time.

I waste a lot of time and energy worrying about things that may or may not happen. It’s an ongoing project for me, trying not to worry and to just deal with things as they come up, but it’s also something I’m looking forward to in all the years to come in the parenting journey. I’m slowly learning that no one has it all figured out and we can only do our best to not screw up our children. I’m definitely not perfect, but neither is anyone else and that’s okay.

So I didn’t achieve anywhere near what I had wanted to over the last year with my silly goals and resolutions, but I have become a stronger and more capable person within myself. I have also managed to keep our daughter alive and well for the last 8 months (with a lot of help and support from my husband and family and friends) and that in itself is a pretty amazing achievement! I’m looking forward to seeing what 2015 brings for our little family.

Hiatus

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It’s been a tough month and I’m very behind on my Project 365, for good reason as well. In fact for the last few weeks I just haven’t really taken any photos except of my new bundle of overdue joy. She didn’t want to come out, but we forced her out eventually. She’s happy and healthy and that’s all I could really ask for, coming out at a whopping 4.05kg (huge for someone as little as me).

Me on the other hand am slowly on the mend after nothing going to plan (not that I really had a plan), but it seemed like everything that I didn’t want ended up happening. I had to be induced because she was almost 2 weeks overdue, and after ‘failure to progress’ (horrible term by the way) I ended up with an emergency c-section. To top it all off, about 10 days after, I ended up with a very nasty infection that saw me back in hospital. The first two weeks of my little one’s life on the outside, I spent half of it feeling sorry for myself in hospital, and feeling a bit bitter about how indifferent some of the staff in the hospitals are. Don’t get me wrong, most of my care was absolutely fantastic, but having to endure the emergency department is an entirely different story. Thanks for the endless budget cuts to health you lousy government!

However, I’m back home and bouncing back and hopefully that will be the end of that. The point is that I really haven’t taken any photos for Project 365 over the last few weeks. I don’t even know what the themes are anymore. Hopefully when I’m settled down I’ll get back into it. For now, I’m just going to enjoy a bit of a break in my sleep deprived state and spend a bit of time just staring at my little (or not so little) one, and wondering what to do with myself. Everyone tells you how hard the first few weeks with a newborn are, but no one really tells you how to get through it! Special mention goes to the husband who has been so amazingly calm throughout the whole ordeal, helping me get around when I was in so much pain, and also caring for our daughter when I was in no condition to do so. I am forever grateful for his love and support, and thankful that we have a healthy little one despite all the drama.

Project 365 2014 – Day 114 – A Pop Of Colour

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Day 24 – April Photo A Day – A Pop Of Colour

Still waiting and time’s up. Tomorrow is the new d-day, also known as induction day. I can tell this one is going to be stubborn because she just doesn’t want to come out. So I’m having one last cup of (caffeine free) tea in my favourite colourful mug before trying for an early night. I don’t know how much sleep I’ll actually get though. I’ve also been knitting the baby blanket I started so long ago, just to have something to keep me occupied so top myself from going crazy. Unfortunately I still haven’t finished it, even with all this extra time. Maybe for the next baby!

Project 365 2014 – Day 113 – Entrance

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Day 23 – April Photo A Day – Entrance

The entrance to our little one’s room, who we’ve named Blah Blah for the moment. We’ve got her name all picked out, but not revealing until she actually gets here to avoid anyone saying horrible things about it. Still waiting waiting waiting.

Project 365 2014 – Day 112 – Four Things

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Day 22 – April Photo A Day – Four Things

Four things I’m looking forward to eating when I’m no longer pregnant and no longer have gestational diabetes. Beautiful soft blue cheese, crappy instant noodles filled with carbs and MSG, carb laden pasta (or more specifically a giant bowl of spaghetti carbonara), and peanut butter Lindt chocolate balls. Just waiting waiting waiting.

Project 365 2014 – Day 111 – Close

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Day 21 – April Photo A Day – Close

Now officially a week overdue. I feel like I’m so close to going into labour, but obviously not quite there yet. I’m so big now. This baby just doesn’t want to come out. So close, yet so far. This has been the longest week of my life just waiting and waddling around.

Project 365 2014 – Day 110 – Egg

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Day 20 – April Photo A Day – Egg

Thankfully even having gestational diabetes, I can still eat eggs. I love eggs. I’m annoyed that I can’t (well shouldn’t) eat them raw, so no runny yolks or poached goodness at the moment, but it’s still good. When I was about 5, I used to eat a boiled egg every morning for breakfast, and then sometimes have egg sandwiches for lunch and some form of egg for dinner. I got hives occasionally and the doctor said I should restrict my egg consumption to 2-3 a week (funnily enough diagnosed without a proper allergy test back then so I’m still not convinced it was correct). I was horrified! I was having that amount each day. I was so upset that I cried, but my parents being good parents restricted me, and in a couple of years I grew out of my apparent egg allergy. Now I eat eggs all the time with no problems.

Project 365 2014 – Day 107 – Something I’ve Learned

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Day 17 – April Photo A Day – Something I’ve Learned

Lehninger was my very first (and very expensive) textbook I bought when I started uni, over 10 years ago now. I learned so much from this book, all of which I have forgotten now. At the moment I’m using it as a stand for my laptop to watch TV while I soak in the bath, waiting for this baby to come out.

Project 365 2014 – Day 106 – My Vice

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Day 16 – April Photo A Day – My Vice

Apart from food, my vice is spending way too much time in my laptop surfing the net. Pinterest is a particular favourite of mine at the moment to pass the time, torturing myself by looking at all the food I can’t be bothered making or can eat at the moment.

Project 365 2014 – Day 105 – I’m Reading This

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Day 15 – April Photo A Day – I’m Reading This

So my due date has come and gone. I’m passing the time by eating sensibly, napping on the couch, watching bad TV, playing the Lego Movie game, and reading baby books I borrowed from the library. Most of the books are baby books and eating better. The ‘Slow Death By Rubber Duck’ is just to break up the baby obsession.

The doctors are letting me go for another week with monitoring because my blood sugar levels are good. I hope the little one comes soon.

Project 365 2014 – Day 104 – Dirty

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Day 14 – April Photo A Day – Dirty

So today’s D-day and it’s come and gone without incident. What makes it worse is that two other workmates have had their babies on my awesome due date, both who were due after me. So I had a bit of a cry about still being pregnant and uncomfortable and missing out on the awesome birthday for my daughter. 14/4/14 would have been pretty cool, but it wasn’t to be.

Project 365 2014 – Day 103 – More Please!

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Day 103 – April Photo A Day – More Please!

I found this amazing minty chocolate, but am limiting myself to only a couple of pieces each day as a treat. I can’t wait to eat normal chocolate again. Lucky I actually like dark chocolate, but would prefer the non sugar free kind. Also the caffeine probably isn’t too great for me either at the moment.

Project 365 2014 – Day 102 – On My Left

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Day 12 – April Photo A Day – On My Left

Sitting to the left of my bed is my hospital bag (well suitcase really), packed and ready to go, like it has been for weeks now. I’ve just used my little carry on suitcase with a polka dot ribbon tied around the handle to not get lost in the sea of suitcases when I’m travelling. At the moment though, it’s just sitting there, waiting to be used.

Project 365 2014 – Day 101 – 3 Of A Kind

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Day 11 – April Photo A Day – 3 Of A Kind

3 sugary lollies I got from a baby shower I went to a few weeks ago, which I can’t eat until after I give birth because of the damned diabetes. So instead they just sit on my coffee table, mocking me. I don’t even like these ones, but I so want to eat one!

Project 365 2014 – Day 97 – Where I’d Rather Be

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Day 7 – April Photo A Day – Where I’d Rather Be

I am still waiting for this baby to come out, and I’d much rather be holding her in my arms instead of carrying her around in me still, with all the heartburn, aches and pains, crushed bladder, swollen feet, gestational diabetes, restless nights, and general tiredness. We’ve got the nursery all set up for you little one, so come on out soon so we can meet you!